Dating is hard. Dating is really hard. If you have a disability, dating is really, really hard!
First, you have to get over your own insecurities about image and ability. Then, you have to find someone you are attracted to who is also attracted to you. Lastly, you have to make sure you are both on the same page as far as what direction the attraction is heading — one night stand or potential lifetime partner?
The hardest part about dating is the initial step of meeting someone, and social media has taken over how people do this today.
In not-so-distant history, teens would get excited about going to the mall and adults about heading to the bar to pick up a date. But now, no matter your age or where you are in the world, you can literally meet someone with the click of a finger through online dating. In fact, according to a 2013 study, a third of couples married between 2005 and 2012 met online.Those couples were also less likely to break up than survey respondents who met offline.
One thing to consider is that online dating is drastically different depending on gender identity and dating preference. Cisgender heterosexual men and women tend to see things from a very different angle. As writer Margaret Atwood once said, “Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.” Add a disability into the mix, and we get something like this:
“Disabled people are afraid able-bodied people will not accept them. Able-bodied people are afraid they will break the disabled person even more.”
An Online Dating Experiment
While it is generally true that women get more attention on dating sites than men, that doesn’t always mean it’s positive attention from safe, potential partners. I was curious if the same applied to disabled women. Do they get as much attention as their able-bodied counterparts? To get some answers, I set up an experiment where I created accounts on three of the most popular free dating websites:
- POF.com – I used a profile picture of me clearly showing my wheelchair and also included photos featuring only my face.
- okcupid.com – I did not use any photos showing my wheelchair.
- bumble.com – I only uploaded pictures that featured me with my wheelchair.
What Were My Findings?
Here’s one message thread from my POF profile:
On OkCupid where no photos of my wheelchair were included, I got a decent number of men messaging me. I carried on with normal filtering and was asked many times on dates, but when I told them I used a wheelchair, things got interesting. At first, many of them said it did not matter, but then the questions began regarding how I got hurt and if I could perform sexually. A few men responded saying they felt I had deceived them.
When my profile included photos with my wheelchair, I actually got more messages and often with questions asking how I got hurt, how much mobility I have, and if I can perform sexually. However, it seemed like the men were sincere, and I did not have to worry about them not being attracted to me because of my wheelchair.
What Do Others Say About Online Dating?
In Ben Duffy’s soon-to-be-released documentary, Take a look at this heart, a film that focuses on sex, dating, and love as it pertains to individuals with disabilities, Patrick Ivison shares a little about his experience with online dating:
“I put myself in a chair online because that’s who I am. Profiles, a lot of them say under 6-foot swipe left. I’m #?#@ like 4’3”! That isn’t even close!”
Would I Continue Online Dating?
I began online dating many years ago. I personally have found traditional dating difficult because I have always been friend-zoned very easily. This happened even before my injury because I have such a straightforward, strong personality. Now that I use a wheelchair, many men look at me as that strong, wise, survivor of a tragedy they can talk to but don’t want to break. Um, I think I am already broken!
I was introduced to POF by a friend who said I should give it a try, so I did. I still use it today to try to find my prince charming! Honestly, there are a lot of weirdos, guys that just want sex, and men I simply would never date. After every initial introduction and letting the person know I use a wheelchair, there are always tons of the same questions to answer about my ability to perform sexually and how much I can feel. These are questions I would not have to answer if I were not paralyzed. However, I have been able to find love twice through the site! I met Alex, my first able-bodied boyfriend, on POF, and I found my second, Jonathon, there as well.
The best thing about online dating is just that — you’re online, protected from any embarrassing mishaps or physical harm.
As long as you are wise and fastidious about who you’re open with, it can be an awesome way to meet new people.
5 Tips to Safe Online Dating for the Disability Community
- Use a trustworthy site
- Keep your contact information private
- Play detective on your potential date
- Let a friend or family member know the details about your face-to-face meetings (time, date, location, with whom, etc.)
- Don’t be afraid to report someone
source: wheel:life
About Post Author
You may also like
-
My Husband is Not a Saint
-
Christiaan “Otter” Bailey” – A Life for Surf’n Skate
-
Paralysis, a heartbreaking for a little boy who loves baseball
-
Beware the Wheelchair Performance Gap
-
Holding the Door for Wheelchair Users: Why One Person’s Nice Could Be Another’s Annoyance
-
She can’t walk and he can’t see, but together, they climb mountains
183 thoughts on “The Online Dating Experience for the Disabled”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Hi, am single and never marriage before no kids and am looking for a serious disable women to marry forever. Am ready help because am Godfearing man not becaue of money all is love.Pls inbox me, alfredconduah@gmail.com and my WhatsApp number +233246595311
Thank you for sharing superb informations. Your web site is very cool. I’m impressed by the details that you¦ve on this web site. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject. Bookmarked this web page, will come back for more articles. You, my friend, ROCK! I found just the information I already searched everywhere and just couldn’t come across. What a perfect website.
Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your blog posts.
Like!! Thank you for publishing this awesome article.
Important information. I would like to share your blog with friends. It looks very awesome.
I have been searching about delete POF account then finally, when I read this article I get to know the correct information about it and I found this information is relevant. You have an ample amount of knowledge and that describes it very clearly and I thank you for giving me this type of knowledge and it helps me a lot.
Hi there, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam remarks? If so how do you protect against it, any plugin or anything you can suggest? I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any help is very much appreciated.
Hi there very nice blog!! Guy .. Beautiful .. Superb .. I will bookmark your site and take the feeds additionallyKI’m glad to seek out a lot of useful information right here within the publish, we need develop extra strategies in this regard, thank you for sharing. . . . . .
I see something really interesting about your blog so I saved to favorites.
Great items from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you are simply too fantastic. I really like what you have acquired here, really like what you are saying and the way wherein you are saying it. You make it entertaining and you continue to care for to stay it wise. I can not wait to read much more from you. That is really a great web site.
Thanks for sharing superb informations. Your website is very cool. I am impressed by the details that you?¦ve on this site. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject. Bookmarked this website page, will come back for extra articles. You, my pal, ROCK! I found just the information I already searched all over the place and just couldn’t come across. What a perfect web site.
Good write-up, I am regular visitor of one’s blog, maintain up the excellent operate, and It’s going to be a regular visitor for a lengthy time.
Loving the info on this internet site, you have done great job on the posts.
Really appreciate you sharing this blog article.Thanks Again.
968091 328341His or her shape of unrealistic tats were initially threatening. Lindsay utilized gun first basic, whereas this girl snuck outside by printer ink dog pen. I used definitely certain the all truly on the shade, with the tattoo can be taken from the body shape. make an own temporary tattoo 655518
I¦ll immediately take hold of your rss feed as I can not find your email subscription link or newsletter service. Do you have any? Kindly let me know so that I may subscribe. Thanks.
534505 748707Sweet internet internet site , super style and design , rattling clean and utilize genial . 760691
173447 404342After study some with the weblog posts within your site now, and i genuinely such as your technique for blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark site list and are checking back soon. Pls look into my web website likewise and make me aware what you consider. 426842
852666 921638Im glad I discovered your write-up. I would never have created sense of this subject on my own. Ive read several other articles on this subject, but I was confused until I read yours. 799845
36368 365537Interesting, but not perfect. Are you going to write much more? 355292
361955 618301Great day! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers? Im kinda paranoid about losing everything Ive worked hard on. Any tips? 904951
777054 87717Woh I adore your posts , bookmarked ! My wife and i take issue along together with your last point. 616012
682405 856352I actually treasure your piece of work, Wonderful post. 632711
892157 107591Taylor Lautner By the way you might want to check out this cool internet site I found 870568
6339 228446I really enjoyed your wonderful internet site. Be positive to keep it up. Could god bless you !!!! 613140
17159 600583Its difficult to get knowledgeable individuals within this subject, even so, you appear to be guess what happens youre dealing with! Thanks 696115
Randall billiga fotbollströjor 2020, real madrid
kläder,real madrid tröja,real madrid matchtröja,real madrid fotbollströja,real madrid matchställ fotboll dam fotbollströjor barn,real RudyT
888956 594579Glad to be 1 of a lot of visitants on this awing internet web site : D. 794245
785474 510378Empathetic for your monstrous inspect, in addition Im just seriously good as an alternative to Zune, and consequently optimism them, together with the really great critical reviews some other players have documented, will let you determine whether it does not take appropriate choice for you. 308722
764081 935019Thank you for your quite good data and respond to you. san jose car dealers 475554
285143 423162This will probably be a fantastic site, may you be interested in performing an interview about how you developed it? If so e-mail me! 904225
whoah this weblog is wonderful i like reading your posts. Stay up the great work! You already know, a lot of persons are searching around for this information, you can help them greatly.
377776 388429Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive read anything in this way before. So nice to locate somebody by original thoughts on this topic. realy thanks for beginning this up. this fabulous web site is one thing that is needed on the internet, a person with a bit of originality. beneficial project for bringing a new challenge towards internet! 604132
597410 73594Id ought to verify with you here. Which isnt something I often do! I enjoy studying a publish that can make men and women believe. Also, thanks for permitting me to remark! 560449
795683 552932The electronic cigarette uses a battery and a small heating factor the vaporize the e-liquid. This vapor can then be inhaled and exhaled 286896
401264 351298Admiring the time and energy you put into your blog and in depth details you offer. It is great to come across a weblog every once in a while that isnt the same old rehashed material. Wonderful read! Ive bookmarked your website and Im adding your RSS feeds to my Google account. 489215
274900 857998The Twitter application page will open. This really is great if youve got a couple of thousand followers, but as you get more and a lot more the usefulness of this tool is downgraded. 488258
673184 695We will give deal reviews, deal coaching, and follow up to ensure you win the deals you cant afford to shed. 510613
344857 735845Hi. Cool article. There can be a difficulty with the web internet site in firefox, and you may want to test this The browser is the marketplace leader and a huge portion of folks will miss your exceptional writing due to this difficulty. 695073
992123 487175What a lovely blog. I will undoubtedly be back. Please maintain writing! 754372
10501 802580I see your point, and I completely appreciate your post. For what its worth I will tell all my friends about it, quite resourceful. Later. 606517
673544 917032I truly treasure your piece of function, Excellent post. CHECK ME OUT BY CLICKING MY NAME!!! 941058
577386 782735But wanna admit that this is very useful , Thanks for taking your time to write this. 671153
486294 344695As I site possessor I believe the content matter here is rattling wonderful , appreciate it for your efforts. You should keep it up forever! Best of luck. 555100
Fine way of telling, and pleasant post to get information on the topic of my presentation subject, which i am going to present in university.|
Hi, here on the forum guys advised a cool Dating site, be sure to register – you will not REGRET it https://bit.ly/2Ko3ev0
i bookmared your site
Hi all, found a cool site, watch all – https://bit.ly/2KvOVUV
i bookmared your site
Thanks for sharing
Very nice write-up. I absolutely appreciate this website. Keep writing!
this blog is great for our country to be a valuable blog and would like to visit you
visit my site for sure and you will not be good for the good thank you and have a nice day
Thanks for sharing
i bookmared your site
nich blog
amazing
Thanks for the article
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on best CBD oil.
Regards
Everything is very open with a clear clarification of the issues. It was definitely informative. Your site is useful. Thanks for sharing!|
Thanks for sharing
Very fantastic information can be found on blog. “Often the test of courage is not to die but to live.” by Conte Vittorio Alfieri.
Appreciation to my father who told me on the topic of this website, this web site is in fact awesome.|
Ahaa, its fastidious conversation about this piece of writing at this place at this web site, I have read all that, so at this time me also commenting at this place.|
WOW just what I was looking for. Came here by searching for meta_keyword|
Greetings from Carolina! I’m bored to death at work so I decided to check out your site on my iphone during lunch break. I enjoy the info you provide here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home. I’m surprised at how fast your blog loaded on my mobile .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, wonderful site!|
Heya i’m for the first time here. I came across this board and I in finding It truly helpful & it helped me out a lot. I am hoping to offer something back and help others like you helped me.|
Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I’ve really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again very soon!|
Hi my friend! I want to say that this article is amazing, great written and come with almost all important infos. I would like to see more posts like this .|
nich blog
Great post. I am facing a couple of these problems.
nich blog
Hey! I understand this is somewhat off-topic but I had to ask. Does operating a well-established blog like yours take a massive amount work? I’m brand new to running a blog however I do write in my diary daily. I’d like to start a blog so I will be able to share my own experience and thoughts online. Please let me know if you have any kind of ideas or tips for new aspiring blog owners. Thankyou!|
nich blog
Everyone loves what you guys are usually up too. This sort of clever work and exposure! Keep up the good works guys I’ve included you guys to my personal blogroll.|
I was suggested this website by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my trouble. You’re incredible! Thanks!|
That is very fascinating, You’re a very professional blogger. I’ve joined your feed and look forward to looking for extra of your great post. Also, I have shared your website in my social networks|
An intriguing discussion is worth comment. I do think that you should write more on this subject, it may not be a taboo matter but generally people do not talk about these issues. To the next! All the best!!|
With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright violation? My blog has a lot of unique content I’ve either written myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my agreement. Do you know any techniques to help stop content from being ripped off? I’d really appreciate it.
Hi there to all, how is all, I think every one is getting more from this web page, and your views are pleasant for new people.|
Someone essentially help to make severely articles I’d state. This is the first time I frequented your website page and up to now? I surprised with the research you made to make this actual put up extraordinary. Fantastic activity!|
I’ve read some good stuff here. Certainly value bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how a lot effort you put to make this kind of excellent informative site.|
For the reason that the admin of this site is working, no doubt very shortly it will be famous, due to its feature contents.|
Hi there, every time i used to check webpage posts here in the early hours in the daylight, for the reason that i like to learn more and more.|
Great post.|
fantastic put up, very informative. I ponder why the other experts of this sector don’t realize this. You should proceed your writing. I’m sure, you’ve a huge readers’ base already!|
Nice blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog shine. Please let me know where you got your design. Appreciate it|
I’ve been browsing on-line more than three hours these days, but I by no means discovered any fascinating article like yours. It is beautiful worth sufficient for me. In my opinion, if all website owners and bloggers made excellent content as you did, the web might be a lot more helpful than ever before.|
I am not sure where you’re getting your information, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more. Thanks for excellent information I was looking for this information for my mission.|
I just could not depart your site prior to suggesting that I actually enjoyed the usual info an individual provide to your guests? Is going to be back frequently to inspect new posts|
Yes! Finally something about keyword1.|
I simply want to tell you that I’m newbie to blogging and site-building and actually enjoyed this web-site. Probably I’m going to bookmark your blog post . You amazingly have excellent article content. Thank you for sharing with us your blog.
Does your blog have a contact page? I’m having trouble locating it but, I’d like to shoot you an email. I’ve got some recommendations for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great website and I look forward to seeing it expand over time.|
Wow, this piece of writing is good, my sister is analyzing these kinds of things, thus I am going to tell her.|
Hi there everyone, it’s my first visit at this web site, and paragraph is genuinely fruitful for me, keep up posting these types of content.|
I actually have been surfing online more than 3 hours lately, yet I never discovered any interesting article like yours. It is lovely price enough for me personally. Personally, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the net will probably be much more useful than previously.
This is very fascinating, You’re an excessively skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and sit up for in the hunt for extra of your wonderful post. Also, I have shared your web site in my social networks|
Quality articles or reviews is the key to interest the users to visit the web page, that’s what this website is providing.|
Remarkable issues here. I am very satisfied to look your article. Thank you a lot and I’m having a look forward to contact you. Will you please drop me a e-mail?|
Right away I am going to do my breakfast, once having my breakfast coming over again to read other news.|
Great beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your site, how can i subscribe for a blog website? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear idea|
This is very attention-grabbing, You’re an excessively skilled blogger. I’ve joined your feed and look ahead to looking for more of your excellent post. Additionally, I’ve shared your site in my social networks|
I simply want to mention I am new to blogs and honestly enjoyed your blog. Very likely I’m going to bookmark your blog post . You absolutely come with exceptional stories. Kudos for sharing your web-site.
I feel this is on the list of a great deal vital information for me personally. And i am happy studying your article. However wish to commentary on some common issues, The site taste is ideal, the articles is really great : D. Excellent job, cheers
Like!! Thank you for publishing this awesome article.
Thanks so much for the blog post.
Thank you ever so for you article post.
Hello, I wish for to subscribe for this website to get newest updates, therefore where can i do it please assist.|
Please let me know if you’re looking for a article writer for your weblog. You have some really great articles and I believe I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d love to write some content for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please shoot me an email if interested. Thanks!|
i will read again
Terrific post however I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this topic? I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit further. Appreciate it!|
Excellent blog here! Also your site loads up fast! What web host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my site loaded up as quickly as yours lol|
i will read again