Holding the Door for Wheelchair Users: Why One Person’s Nice Could Be Another’s Annoyance

*** In response to some comments. I am adding this preface. This Note is NOT just about only about Holding Doors. It is about the bigger picture of the low expectations of competence assigned to people with disabilities. It is about getting people to think about the societal concept of Benevolent Ableism, stereotyping, and making assumptions without taking the time to make real-time assessments and evaluations. In other words, it’s not about whether you hold open doors or not, it’s not about whether you like having them held or not. It’s not about YOU. It’s a comment on how society views people with disabilities.” ***

Trigger Warning: It you are offended that some people may view events differently than you, don’t read this article.

It happens all the time. A wheelchair user approaches a door and some able-bodied people in the vicinity rush to open it. Sometimes, they wait an awkwardly long time while he or she approaches the door from a distance. Sometimes, they are walking the other direction and hurry back to open the door. Sometimes, they follow the wheelchair user as he or she approaches the door and run ahead to get it. And every once in a while, they will pass through the door and seamlessly hand it off behind them, but usually this only occurs if they didn’t notice that the person behind them was using a wheelchair.

On the other hand, nobody likes having a door thoughtlessly slammed in their face. Holding a door can be sign of courtesy and politeness. In a respectful society, people make the effort to “help each other out”. Shouldn’t we be grateful when someone displays an “act of kindness”? The answer to this question is that “there is no correct answer”. If you feel that every instance when someone opens a door for you or for anyone else, that they are being nice, or you find opening a door to be difficult or challenging, then it is natural to feel gratitude. Your gratitude comes from your interpretation of the specifics of the situation.

But, let’s look at the case for annoyance. In the past thirty-five years that I have been a wheelchair user, it is very rare for me to have encounters with strangers where they have overestimated my capability. For the most part, people consistently underestimate myself and other people with disabilities in regard to what we can and cannot accomplish, our economic status, health, ability to raise a family, recreational activities, and general quality of life.

This low evaluation happens because while most people are fairly good at sizing up other people “like themselves”, most able-bodied people fail miserably at this when encountering a person with a disability. They resort to a mental process called “chunking”. This is a process where multiple varied individuals with a particular characteristic are lumped into a single Group description. It is assumed that each person in the Group has all the same characteristics of all the others in the Group. When chunking is based on societal bias, it becomes stereotyping and labeling.

The problem is that the person doing the stereotyping no longer feels to the need to evaluate the individual or situation on a case by case basis, he or she simply applies the stereotype. The basic stereotype for wheelchair users is one of low capability – that they constantly need help. While the need for continual help is true for a subset of wheelchair users, and is true for all wheelchair users some of the time (as with all people), it doesn’t apply to ALL wheelchair users ALL of the time.

Why not be safe and assume that a wheelchair users needs and desires help in every instance? Because, this very assumption of lack of capability is the product of stereotyping (benevolent ableism) that extends not only to opening doors. It limits every person with a disability in regard to employment, recreational, and social outlets. The assumption of lack of capability in specific instances (door opening) is evidence of the societal assumption of a general lack of competence (in most areas) which then translates to less societal opportunities in life.

If a person is genuinely trying to be “nice” to another person, then that person needs to make the effort to determine how the act is to be received. Is the act wanted and appreciated? And what if it isn’t? For example, it may be “nice” to give money to the poor. But approaching and handing out $1 dollar bills to people on the street that you perceive to be poor, most likely, will have a larger detrimental effect on their feelings of self-worth than their minor monetary gain.

When people go out of their way to provide unsolicited assistance, they are also sending a message. The message is that “I can do this easier and/or better than you.” Many times, it also comes with the baggage of “You should be grateful for my act of kindness.” When done intentionally this behavior can be a power play for social status gain, when done unconsciously, it can be a product of the assumptions and stereotyping of benevolent ableism.

As for me personally, do I find it annoying when someone holds the door for me? It depends on the specifics of the situation. What manner is the door being held- are they standing in the threshold in the way, or are they passing the door along to me? How long has he or she been waiting for me to arrive – an awkwardly long time or just moments? Importantly, whether or not holding the door is actually helpful or hindering to me based on the previous. It sounds complicated, but it really isn’t. We all do it (mostly unconsciously) in a flash, all the time, disability or no disability. It’s just that everyone has his or her own personal set of criteria to go by.